Switching Daycares? How to Ease Your and Your Toddler's Anxiety

Switching daycares can be very stressful both for children and parents. Here are some tips to make the transition to a new daycare easier for you and your toddler. Hopefully these can relieve some of the anxiety you might feel about switching your toddler to a new daycare.

This is not a blog post about whether you should switch daycares. That's a whole other topic, and there could be so many reasons for switching daycares: from disappointment in your current daycare to other practical reasons, such as moving to a new house or getting a new job.

Our son is 2.5 years old and he's been in three daycares so far (plus one full-time in-home childcare arrangement and two different babysitters). Let me share all my tips with you that made our daycare transitions easier.

Switching daycares

Yes, switching daycares can feel so stressful, especially if your child has anxiety or had a hard time adjusting to the daycare that they are in now. But before I get into the tips for a smooth transition, you have to remember a few things:

This will be one of the MANY changes in your child's life. It's OK for them to feel uncertain or scared for a little bit. It sounds awful, but remember that your job as a parent is to help them with these transitions, teach them how to deal with changes in their lives, and be there for them as a safe space at home. As I mentioned in my blog post about how to reduce toddler tantrums, we are trying to raise a resilient, easy-going son.
Keep the big picture in mind. If you are switching daycares, it's probably to make things better for YOUR WHOLE FAMILY. Whether it's a move for a new job, a better daycare, a shorte commute (more sleep is a benefit for the whole family!), just remember that you are making the correct choice for your family.
This is probably harder for you than for your child. Some kids might have absolutely no problem with the transition! Remember, you're the one agonizing over this decision for weeks, touring daycares, making pros and cons lists, planning and worrying. Your child has no idea this is all going to happen until a few days before the big change.

That said, let's talk about how to make the transition to a new daycare easier.

1. Tell your child about the upcoming change

Even if your child is not speaking yet, he or she might understand if you explain in simple terms that they are going to a new daycare tomorrow (or next week). Don't tell them too far in advance, there's no need to stress them out. Tell them they will be going to a new daycare, and they are going to have lots of fun there, with so many toys, books, games, activities. Tell them whether there is a playground, or anything else that the daycare might have.

2. Keep the consistency

Keep as many things consistent as possible: their blanket, sleep mat, sippy cup, lunch bag, forks, spoons, everything. Bring a favorite toy or stuffed animal. Let them have the pacifier if they still use one.

3. Visit in advance

See if you can visit the daycare with your child before their first day and play in the playroom together, so your child is familiar with the environment and have a positive, safe association with it. Talk about how fun the toys are, how many friends your child will have. Tell your child now nice the teacher is. Show your child where they will nap and where they will eat.

4. Talk to the daycare teachers

Ask the daycare teachers how they plan on welcoming your child the first day. Ask if it might be helpful for you to hang around for an hour or two to help your child feel comfortable and then clearly say "bye bye" after some activity and leave (more on how to leave later!). Some daycares encourage and actually require you to spend time there the first day. Most discourage it, knowing that many children have an easier time transitioning without a mommy there to cling to. All our teachers in every daycare recommended against staying around the first day, and they were right. Our son is definitely more likely to cry and cling to me if I stay for an hour and then try to leave.

Talk to the new daycare teachers and tell them how your child likes to be fed, or tucked in for naptime. Share whether they like to be hugged and encouraged to play with others or if they prefer to have their own space at first while they feel out the situation.

Ask them to keep you extra updated the first few days through text messages or a phone call midday.

Tell them everything they need to know about your child in advance so you don't have to explain it all the first day (see below on why you'll want to walk out quickly). If there is anything you are extra worried about or forgot to tell them, write them a note and hand it to them the first day, or call the daycare after you leave - they'll get the message to the teahcher.

5. How to walk out the first day (no, it won't be easy)

If you are not planning on sticking around for an hour or so the first day, you need to be strong, say "bye bye" and leave. Don't linger by the door. Don't look worried or sad. If they see you worrying, they will wonder if something is wrong and might get afraid of staying there without you.

Don't turn around if you hear your child crying.

I know, it sounds awful. But if you turn around, they're going to cry even hard when you leave. If you go back to comfort them, it will just prolong their sadness. They'll be afraid that you're leaving the whole time you're comforting them, and then will cry AGAIN when you actually do leave.

Be strong, mama. Just rip the band-aid off and walk out.

They will stop crying. They will get distracted with a toy and they'll be OK. Yes, they might be sad. Yes, it's heartbreaking to think about it. But remember that your child's teacher is a professional who has dealt with this hundreds of times. She'll know what to do.

My son actually cried so hard he threw up at two of his first days at new daycares. Yes, it sucked hearing that. But he was better in the afternoon, and 100% better the second day both times. I warned the teachers that might happen because he often gags and throws up when he cries, so the teacher knew that my son wasn't sick and didn't have to go home because of this.

As I said above, don't spend time the first day telling your teacher stuff she needs to know. If your child hears you sounding stressed or worrying about leaving him or her there, they might get worried themselves.

And if you're having a hard time the first day, it's OK to get in your car and cry. Let the tears flow. Then call a friend, your husband, or your mom and ask them how their day is going to keep your mind off your stress.

6. Have the dad do the drop off!

If your child is clingy with you and is more likely to cry when he or she sees you leave, see if the dad (or grandma or an auntie) can do the drop off. When my son was younger, he didn't care so much if his papa said goodbye and left, but would have a meltdown if I left. So my husband did the daycare drop off every day. It was just easier that way for everyone.

Right now, our son is ALL ABOUT HIS DAD so I am able to drop him off without any tears.

7. Start slow if you can

See if you can start your child on a Wednesday or Thursday. This will mean a shorter stressful first week at the new daycare, and then a whole weekend at home! Starting earlier than Friday will help them remember and reinforce that they are going to the new place and give them a little extra time to get used to it the first week. Starting on a Friday might mean that they have a hard time again on Monday, it will be like starting over.

Another option is to see if you can do a half day at first, or pick your child up early at first. Just check the daycare's schedule to make sure you are not interrupting nap time or snack time.

But even if you can't do any kind of easy transition, it's going to be OK. I promise.

It's harder for you than for your child

As I mentioned above, this is probably going to be harder for you than your child. Kids are resilient. They just want to play. They don't know what time of the day it is and how long they've been at the daycare. You're the one counting down the minutes until pickup. Chances are, your child will transition very easily and will love any daycare they go to (as long as it's a good one and they are treated well, of course!).

You're the one who has been stressing about this for a long time, not your child. Remember, this is for the good of the whole family.

Even if your child has a rough time with the transition, remember, it's all temporary. It will get better and they will love it. Give it a fair chance. Don't make any impulsive decisions and pull them out of daycare just because they have a rough first week. Consistency and stability will help make it all better.

When your child starts kindergarten in a few years, you'll be able to tell them about how brave they were when they switched daycares, and how they ended up having so much fun and making new friends and learning a lot, and the new kindergarten school will be the same way.

You'll both get through this. You've got this.